Small tidbits and Sparks of wisdom

A person must never build himself up by degrading someone else:
אַל תִּתְכַּבֵּד בִּקְלוֹן חֲבֵירְךָ
“Do not elevate yourself through the degradation of your fellow.”
This establishes the foundation. Rebuke is not supposed to be an instrument for asserting superiority. The purpose is correction, not humiliation.
The Sefer HaYirah then warns against physical aggression. A person should not raise his hand to strike another. It cites the Torah’s description of the man who merely raised his hand against another Jew:
רָשָׁע, לָמָּה תַכֶּה רֵעֶךָ
“Wicked one, why would you strike your fellow?”
— Shemos 2:13
The person is called רָשָׁע — wicked even before the blow is actually delivered. The warning is therefore not merely against injury; the very willingness to use violence against another person is treated with severity.
Rebuke Must Begin Privately
When correction is necessary, Sefer HaYirah gives a clear first rule:
אִם תּוֹכִיחַ אֶת חֲבֵירְךָ, אַל תּוֹכִיחֶנּוּ וְתַלְבִּין פָּנָיו, אֲבָל תּוֹכִיחֶנּוּ בַּסֵּתֶר וַאֲפִילוּ מֵאָה פְּעָמִים.
“If you rebuke your fellow, do not rebuke him in a manner that puts him to shame. Rather, rebuke him privately, even a hundred times.”
The source cited is Talmud, Arachin 16b.
The initial approach is therefore patience and privacy. Even repeated wrongdoing does not immediately justify public embarrassment.
The Severity of Public Humiliation
Sefer HaYirah goes further:
אַל תַלְבִּין פְּנֵי חֲבֵירְךָ בָּרַבִּים.
“Do not whiten your fellow’s face in public.”
Public humiliation is compared to spilling blood. When a person is deeply embarrassed, the redness drains from his face and it becomes pale. The Gemara therefore treats הַלְבָּנַת פָּנִים — whitening another person’s face as an extraordinarily serious matter.
The Sefer HaYirah cites Talmud, Berachos 43b, which teaches that it would be preferable for a person to throw himself into a fiery furnace rather than publicly humiliate another person.
This makes the ordinary rule unmistakable: even when rebuke is justified, humiliation is not automatically justified.
But There Is a Limit
The next passage introduces an important qualification.
If a person has been strongly rebuked privately several times and continually refuses to accept correction, Sefer HaYirah states that it may then become permissible to shame him, oppose him, and pursue the matter until he accepts the rebuke.
This is a very different situation from someone immediately attacking or humiliating another person in the name of “telling him the truth.”
There is an order:
First comes private rebuke. Then repeated private rebuke. Only after repeated refusal does the possibility of stronger public measures arise.
Sefer HaYirah adds that someone who is capable of rebuking a person committing a transgression but remains silent may himself bear responsibility for that transgression. If he properly gives rebuke, however, he saves himself from that responsibility.
The Balance
These passages create two obligations that must exist together.
A person may not remain indifferent to wrongdoing when he has a genuine responsibility and ability to intervene. At the same time, the mitzvah of rebuke does not provide an unrestricted license to embarrass people.
The starting point is בַּסֵּתֶר — in private.
The goal is not victory, revenge, humiliation, or demonstrating one’s own righteousness. The goal is to bring about correction while protecting the dignity of another Jew for as long as that remains possible.
Only when private rebuke has repeatedly failed does Sefer HaYirah describe a different and considerably stronger response.