Small tidbits and Sparks of wisdom

( Duties of the Heart)

There are many factors that detract a person from true repentance, because true, clean repentance is very difficult to achieve. People sometimes think that waking up in the morning, going to shul, praying, saying that they are sorry, and asking God for forgiveness is repentance. That is only the beginning.

Real repentance requires a person to examine himself honestly and cleanse his behavior in every area of life. It is not enough to correct the sins that are comfortable or easy to correct while continuing with others.

As Duties of the Heart states:

«Another factor that inhibits repentance is repenting from some sins while persisting in others. An example is one who detaches himself from transgressions against God, repenting of them, but does not detach himself from those against his fellowman, e.g., robbery, fraud, theft, and the like. Of him it was said, “If there is guilt in your hand, remove it” (Iyov 11:14).

On this subject, our Masters, of blessed memory, have said: “If a person has committed a transgression and confesses, but does not turn away from it, to what may he be compared? To one who holds a dead creeping thing in his hand. Even if he were to immerse in all the waters of the world, the immersion would not be effective. But, if he tosses it from his hand… immersion is then effective, as it says (Mishlei 28:13), ‘But he who admits and forsakes [his sins] will be forgiven’” (Ta’anis 16a).»

Honest Cleansing in All Aspects

Honest cleansing of oneself in all aspects is the only way forward. Teshuvah cannot be selective. A person cannot carefully cleanse one side of his life while deliberately holding on to wrongdoing in another.

In a certain sense, it can be easier to appear religious in matters between man and God. God does not speak to us in ordinary, daily, person-to-person conversation. A person can therefore become extremely careful about the external and physical aspects of religious observance. He can separate himself from forbidden foods, guard Shabbos, pray, dress religiously, and become meticulous in many mitzvos.

But then comes the much harder test: How does he behave toward another human being?

Does he push and shove? Does he triple-park because his own convenience comes first? Is he unethical or deceptive in business? Is he unnecessarily aggressive? Does he take advantage of another person’s weakness? Does he justify conduct toward employees, customers, partners, neighbors, or strangers that he would immediately condemn if someone else did it to him?

This is where the natural reflex of self-protection becomes extremely powerful. A person tells himself: I have to protect myself. I have to protect my money. I have to protect my business. If I don’t push, someone else will push me. If I don’t take advantage of the opportunity, someone else will.

Precisely here lies one of the hardest parts of teshuvah.

The obligations between man and God and between man and his fellowman come together. One cannot use meticulous religious observance as a substitute for honesty, fairness, restraint, and decency toward other people.

The teaching quoted above is severe because its imagery leaves very little room for self-deception. A person may immerse himself in all the waters of the world, but if he continues holding the source of impurity in his hand, the immersion accomplishes nothing. Confession without abandoning the wrongdoing is incomplete.

That is why Mishlei does not merely say that the person who admits his sins will receive mercy. It says:

“He who admits and forsakes them will be forgiven.”

Admission must be followed by abandonment.

Real teshuvah therefore demands an honest accounting of the whole person: religious life, family life, business life, financial dealings, behavior on the street, treatment of employees and partners, treatment of strangers, and even those ordinary moments when nobody is watching.

Cleansing cannot be compartmentalized.

If we want genuine repentance, we cannot clean the parts that are comfortable to clean while protecting the very habits that are most difficult to surrender. The hardest areas may be precisely where the real work of teshuvah begins.