Small tidbits and Sparks of wisdom

Most arguments never needed to happen. They weren’t caused by real disagreement, but by bad timing. If a person would simply wait — not argue, not explain, not justify — the fight would dissolve before it ever formed.
Chazal state this bluntly:
“Al tiratzeh et chaveircha b’sha’at ka’aso” — do not try to appease your fellow while he is angry (Avos 4:18). This is not etiquette. It is a statement about human nature.
Anger Is Temporary — Damage Is Not
When anger is given time, it burns itself out. The person calms down and often explains on their own what really happened: pressure, misunderstanding, hunger, exhaustion. And very often, something even more revealing occurs — the anger itself fades to the point that the person barely remembers why he was upset.
What felt explosive minutes earlier suddenly feels small or irrelevant. That alone proves the argument was never worth having.
Rabbi Avigdor Miller’s Rule
Rabbi Avigdor Miller zt”l emphasized that responding during anger is not strength — it is foolishness. He taught that when irritation erupts, one should wait. Two minutes. Five minutes. Sometimes longer. Let the surge pass.
Rav Miller illustrated this with a sharp analogy: the difference between the janitor of a bank and the vice president. When challenged, the janitor reacts emotionally. The vice president remains calm. The distinction is not intelligence — it is emotional discipline.
Words spoken during emotional storms are permanent. Emotional storms themselves are not.
Don’t Approach a Raging Bull
You do not approach a raging bull to give it what it “needs.” You step back and let the charge end. Only afterward is calm possible — and so it is with people.
Trying to explain, correct, or “fix” things while someone is angry only pours oil on the fire. Silence and distance are not avoidance; they are wisdom.
Psychology Catches Up
Modern psychology confirms exactly what Chazal said long ago. During acute anger, rational thinking shuts down. Emotional reactivity dominates. Attempts at resolution during this state reliably escalate conflict rather than solve it.
Therapists therefore instruct couples to pause, disengage, eat, rest, and return later. Studies consistently show that even short delays — minutes, not hours — significantly reduce hostility and restore clarity.
As secular psychology puts it:
“When emotions run high, thinking shuts down.”
Another widely cited principle states:
“Nothing productive is resolved at the peak of anger.”
The Bottom Line
Wait, and the fire dies. Speak softly only after the heat has gone. Do that, and many arguments never happen at all.
Ignore this, and people destroy relationships over things they won’t even remember tomorrow.
This is not modern advice.
This is not therapy talk.
This is how human beings are built — and Chazal said it first.