Small tidbits and Sparks of wisdom

The world loves a certain kind of story: “I built this. I made it. No one helped me. I’m self-made.”

It’s the American ideal — the lone individual who rises from nothing by sheer grit and genius. Clean. Inspiring. And false.

Because no matter how polished the story is, no one is truly “self-made.” Not in this world. Not in real life. Not under the sovereignty of Heaven.

You Didn’t Choose to Be Born

Start with the basics. You didn’t choose your:

• Parents,
• Genetics,
• Country,
• Personality,
• Circumstances.

Even your drive to succeed — that hunger, that pressure — is inherited, absorbed, or triggered by life’s external forces. It’s not something you willed from a vacuum. It was handed to you through pain, need, ambition, or fear — all shaped by your environment.

So when a person achieves success, he’s walking a road paved by everything that came before him — not by himself.

Marriage: The End of the Self-Made Myth

If a man is married, the illusion collapses entirely. His life trajectory is shaped — constantly — by the values, limitations, needs, and pressures of his wife.

You wanted to go left. She wanted to go right. You adjusted. You made decisions not because they were pure strategy, but because of the home situation — her family background, your shared financial stress, her emotional or spiritual needs, or the children’s tuition.

Marriage is not just support. It’s shaping. Quiet. Constant. Determinative.

Case Study: The Brooklyn Father Who “Just Existed”

A man in Brooklyn. Simple computer programmer. Nothing flashy. He worked hard, lived modestly, had many children, and wasn’t chasing greatness — just survival.

Then his first child was born with Down syndrome. No school could accommodate him. So, out of desperation, the father opened a small school. He got licensed. One school grew into two. Then more. Then across multiple states.

Now he runs a major special needs network. Very successful. Very wealthy. But he says: “I didn’t build this out of vision. I built it because I had no other choice.”

“I just existed. Hashem did the rest.”

Compare: The Hustler Billionaire

Another story: a man builds credit, flips homes, becomes a real estate mogul. He says: “I did it myself.”

But who taught him? Who supported him? Who was his wife? What pressures shaped his grind?

Even here, he’s reacting to forces beyond his control. Not self-made — pressure-formed.

Hashem Hides in the Pressure

This is all Hashgacha Pratis — Divine Providence. Hashem pushes us through challenge and circumstance.

The Torah calls the wife an “eizer k’negdo” — a helper against him. Not just comfort. Sometimes confrontation. But always growth.

You’re Not a Free Agent. You’re a Responding Agent.

To be truly “self-made,” you’d have to choose:

• Your own parents,
• Your marriage,
• Your traumas,
• Your economy,
• Your nature.

You can’t. You’re not G-d. You’re a responding agent in His system.

The Real Response: Humility and Gratitude

The Torah warns:

“כֹּחִי וְעֹצֶם יָדִי עָשָׂה לִי אֶת-הַחַיִל הַזֶּה”
“My strength and the might of my hand made me this wealth.” (Devarim 8:17)

The proper response is:

“Yes, I made effort. But the path was carved by others. My wife, my child’s need, and above all, Hashem.”

Final Word

If you’re thriving — stop saying “self-made.” Start saying “Thank You.”